The Story Game

"Wait are we dupposed to kill this giant?"  Heph asked, to clarify what his goals were

"No, we have to enter this 278 mile high giants bloodstream to find a little piece of wood about a foot long that resembles a boat, then use it to find some guy named Noproe."

"That makes no sense!"

"Well, we did just participate in a Knuclehead-Cutie battle, so..."

"Let's eat!"

They went to a local tavern... They couldn't remember the last time they had eaten

Meanwhile, Vlad had broken out of the froz. Now he was more powerful than ever.

When he came out of his frozen captivity, he immediately found himself surrounded by demons, as he stood on the icy lake.

(Nothing was said about his escape from the underworld yet, and we'd miss a great opportunity here)

The many demons taunted Vlad

"Where are you going, Vlad?"

"No one escapes the ninth circle of the underworld"

"Your body is long buried... how do you plan to return?"

"King Minos sent you here for eternity"

"You are mortal Vlad"

Vlad readied for combat "hey, I was buried up to my neck in ice and I escaped, right? I think I can take you on."

In that moment, many dozens of demons charged at Vlad... to them, it would only be a matter of time.

Vlad shot a burst of energy at the demons. They flew like ninepins to the corners of the room.

That's when a figure appeared. It was Stonuvan, one of the Gods of Magykka and the surrounding isles. (Because no fantasy story would be completed without a made-up religion...)

"Vlad, you are strong, but you could be stronger. In a past life, you were Vigaga, the greatest dark mage who ever lived. I give you his weapon, the Sceptre of Death, in the hopes it will help you on your quest."

Vlad took the weapon. "Gee, thanks..."

"And know, since I'm a god, I will double-cross you and unleash a billion Shades to prevent you from escaping the underworld. You'll need to figure out how to use that thing quick!" And with that, Stonuvan vanished.

So Vlad tried to use the weapon... Only to slip and fall on the ice

"Ow!  Well, that was anticlimactic" he dead panned

Then he rose into the sky. He could now float!

The earth trembled as he said, "I AM A GOD!"

Stonuvan appeared again. "Don't get cocky now, or I'll do a seven year timeskip in the narrative."

"Fine. I am GODLIKE. HAPPY NOW?"

"Very." Said Stonuvan. "By the way, you know those shades can fly, right?"

He disappeared, and a million flying shadows charged at Vlad/Vigaga.

Vlad had to fight through the other eight circles of the underworld to escape. But first, he had to fight through this massive demon army...

Meanwhile, our heroes had found the giant. It was 300 times the size of a human.

"We have to find a tiny plank of wood in that thing's bloodstream?" Asked Nikko.

"What we need is a deux ex machina!"  Eduardo explained

"Huh?"  Heph asked

"Basically, a complicated problem getting resolved by a lazy, unsatisfying solution that makes it easy.  Sort of like that time we found the riddle in the river and that bird came along that spoke dead languages." he continued

"Wait, so does that mean we want a deux ex machina?"

"Let's take a fence, cut a hole in his leg so the blood drains out, and stop the plank with the fence!"

Was it Deus Ex Machina enough? Well...

----------

Meanwhile, Vlad was having the time of his life.

Vlad was in the middle of his million-demon fight, defeating everything in his line of sight, when everything froze around him.  Then the many demons disappeared.

A wiseman appeared before him; one of the few beings Vlad had respect for

"Grandfather, but how..."

"It's not important Vlad.  I am here to warn you of the dangers that lie ahead.  At the edge of this frozen lake you will find giants spoken of in both the bible and in classical legend.  Nimrod, Ephialtes, Briareus, Tityos, and Typhon, to name a few.  However, the one you must find is Antaeus; he will willingly raise you to the eighth circle.  Otherwise, you will never be able to leave the ninth circle."

"Ok, but what must I do in the eighth circle?" Vlad asked.

"You must deal with the fraudulent.  There are ten areas you must go through, but since you are trying to escape, you'll be dealing with them in reverse; so you will be going from tenth to first.

"Ok, what am I dealing with?"

"The tenth area are the falsifiers; counterfeiters, imposters, alchemists, etc.  they are afflicted with various diseases, for being "a disease on society" if you will.  Be warned: if you get a disease in that area, you will never be able to leave.  In the ninth area you will find the "sowers of discord" being hacked apart by demons with swords" the grandfather explained

"Because in trying to divide others, now they themselves are being divided?" Vlad deduced

"Quite right grandson; they are hacked apart, only to be healed then hacked apart again.  But in your case, they will do more than just hack you apart when they see you trying to escape."  The grandfather continued "in the eigth area, you will find those who told others to engage in fraud.  They are forever concealed within individual fires, so basically, just avoid getting burned there."

"And this is still the eighth circle?" Vlad asked

"Regretfully so.  In the seventh area, you will find the thieves.  The centuar Caucus guards over them, but be warned.  The real threat is the lizards and snakes that will bite you there.  Every bite will transform you, until you are no longer recognizable as yourself, or worse, human."

"So avoid lizards, snakes and Caucus; got it."  Vlad said.

"In the sixth area are the hypocrites; they walk around wearing lead cloaks... So don't worry too much there.  The fifth area are the corrupt politicians, immersed in boiling pitch.  Basically, don't get stuck, and watch out for the Malebranche Devils."

"Who are the Malebranche?" Vlad asked

"You don't want to know."  The grandfather continued.  "The fourth area is the sorcerers and false prophets; they walk around with their heads on backwards.  No real threats there.  Third area is those who committed simony.  Second area is the flatters; they are in Human excrement, and the first area are the panderers and seducers.  They are marching eternally while being whipped."

"Quite the trip."  Vlad quipped.

"I will meet you when you get to the end of the eigth circle.  Good luck."  And he disappeared.  Vlad then went to find the giant Antaeus

Meanwhile our heroes prepared to face their giant

(That was deep )

Heph used the sword of destiny to cut a small hole in the giant's foot, about two feet in diameter. Blood began pouring out, but the massive giant hardly even noticed.

"Now what?" Asked Heph. "How will we find it in there?"

"There is only one hope," said Eduardo. "We need an expert on blood. A premier expert on blood."

"Oh, not that! When has that ever worked?" Asked Kokar. "How can we trust him after what happened to Kutu?"

"It'll work. Trust me."

"What's going on? Who's this "blood expert"?" Asked Nikko.

"Flasky. He's a vampire. He lives in the fire mountains to the southeast, in a tribe with forty-some other vampires and a talking onion they worship as their god." Said Eduardo sagely.

"He's lost it!" Hissed Nikko.

"No, it's true. These vampires are more civilized than most, but they view elf blood as a delicacy, as well as dragon. And they won't say no to human or pheonix, either. Yes, Twitter, I know you've been following us."

"How do you know a vampire?" Pokyrah enquired.

"He infected my brother, Kutu," sighed Eduardo, "but we have no choice. If anyone can find that random plank of wood, it's him."

(I see your long post and raise you one of my own. Sort of. )

(Since I'm basing the underworld on Dante's Inferno, I had to be accurate.  And that's just the eighth circle!)

"Ok, so what do we know about vampires?"  Nikko asked

(I read Dracula a few years back; it's actually fascinating, how much there is to vampire lore.)

Heph reached into hammerspace and pulled out his "guide to mythological creatures."

"Hmm... Says here, vampires are creatures of the night.  Sunlight is a major weakness, but not the only one.  They fear religious artifacts, namely the cross.  Anything Holy can hurt them, and they sleep in coffins on beds of consecrated earth?"

"What?"  Nikki asked, confused

"Dirt from church grounds" Heph translated.

"Wait, so they are hurt by anything holy, yet they must sleep on consecrated earth?"  Nikki observed

"Don't blame me, blame Bram Stoker."  Heph said before continuing.  "They cannot cross moving water unaided, and they cannot cross a threshold uninvited.  Basically as long as you don't let him into your house, he can't get in."

"Go on."  pokyrah said.

"Next thing to know, they also are repulsed by garlic, and light passes through them.  So they don't have shadows or reflections.  Some are also shapeshifter so, able to become bats or dogs."

"What does it say about killing one?"  Eduardo asked.

"Well, there are a few ways, but the most effective is a wooden stake to the heart.  It has to be made of a specific wood though.  And if the stake is removed, they can heal and come back to life."

"Well then how do you permanently put it down?"  Nikko said

"Cut off the head after staking the heart."  Heph pointed out.

This was a lot to take in... But at least they knew plenty about vampires now.  It was a good thing the vampires they were going to meet though, were more civilized than most

Sadly, Stoker had a few things wrong. Most vampires are like that, but these were civilized, so they were stronger. They didn't need an invitation to enter a building, though it was polite to knock. "Holy objects" didn't affect them, regardless of which religion, and they could sleep wherever. Sunlight and water was not all that bad, although they preferred night and deserts for sure. Just some of the perks of being civilized. They also loved and worshiped, off all things, onions, and feared above all else the color purple. There were some other trade-offs, though. They had weak immune systems, poor bladder control and a peanut allergy so severe, I couldn't even think of a good simile. To them, leather was poison, and arrows feathered with phoenix feathers aren't great, either.

The party soon approached the village.

While our heroes continued to deal with their giant, Vlad at last found the giant Antaeus, at the edge of the ninth ring.

He prepared to call him, for help to get to the eight ring.

While this was happening...

the vampires had been slayed. Fast, wasn't it?

The evil ones that had attacked them; of course.  The civilized ones rescued the heroes and proceeded to help them

Just then, Vlad attacked.

Antaeus wouldn't help Vlad, so he did the only thing he could think of to change the giant's mind

He blackmailed him.

Meanwhile, the main characters had recruited Flasky and brought him to the giant.

"Okay, Flasky, where is the wood?"

"Let'sh shee," said a lisping Flasky. He knelt to taste the giant's blood. A few minutes later, he stood.

"The wooden boat ish...